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Towing The Line Of Chivalry And Equality, And Then Falling Off It

If there’s one thing we have to get squared away, it’s modern dating. In the age of supposed gender “equality,” there are a whole lot of questions people have about who’s supposed to pay for what and hold what open for who and be on top and wear the what—basically some people are too confused by the grey area. They miss that black and white dichotomy that made everything so easy.

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TIP:  Sure she can open her own door, but the real power is convincing him to desire to do it.  How does letting a man think he’s in charge degrade a gal?

 

 

 

In the olden days, whenever the hell that was, a heterosexual man would approach a desired heterosexual woman, ask to court her, take her to dinner, hold her chair out, stand up when she stood up, pay for everything and expect sex after his tasks were complete.

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Now, some assholes think that since women can work for 85% of men’s wages that chivalry has flown right out the door they no longer want to hold open. But chivalry isn’t about putting the right coins into the sex vending machine to get a Diet Handjob, it’s about being a decent fucking person to someone you’re interested in.

I mean, do you not hold the door open for the person walking behind you anyway?

Do you not wait for your friend to also get their food to start chowing down?

Yeah, we’ve lost some of the more archaic parts of chivalry, and maybe that’s for the best. Women don’t necessarily need for our dates to do a little half stand up thing when we go to piss and/or powder our noses. And we don’t need to tie our silk scarves to the tip of a guy’s lance before he enters a joust.

Make him want to bow down before you.  Is that not empowering girls?

Make him want to bow down.   Who wields the power?

Some self-styled social commentators say that women are trying to have their cake and eat it too when they ask for equality and chivalry at the same time, but it’s really not asking too much. Girls can lead their autonomous lives without relying on some guy’s money to survive, and choose to date guys who are nice to them.

It’s not more complicated than that.

Guys out there, it’s the same shit -would you keep dating a girl who told everyone about your small dick, or a girl who thought it was okay to hit you because she’s smaller and weaker? Chivalry is just another word for respect, & everybody deserves just a little bit.

As for the money part, I get that it’s a confusing situation. Should guys pay for everything because that’s the status quo, and they seem more likely to be willing? That’s really up to that specific guy and that specific girl, or other guy, or whatever the combination is. Having expectations right off the bat is where the problems come in. I’d say in general that both of you should pull out your cards when the bill comes around, & whoever wants to pay more will end up winning the money fight.

Sure you can pay for your own meal, but why would you?

Sure you can pay for your own meal, but why would you?  Kidding! Am I?

 

TIP:  Don’t ask a girl to pay for her half of the meal and then break out your 2 for 1 voucher.  You proably won’t get a second date.
 

See this beautiful fantasy scenario:

“Oh!”

“Well I can get this one…”

“No no, it’s my treat, I insist.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no big thing!”

“You know that doesn’t mean I’ll put out, right?”

“Of course!”

If it goes differently from that, you either have a guy who thinks he’s taking a prostitute to dinner (see my last article), or someone with seriously warped expectations.

To illustrate that, let me regale you with a fucked-up little tale my girlfriend told me last week:

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She went on a first date with a guy she met online. It was pretty simple, a meet-up over one drink each. She, being a wine slut after my own heart, looked through the list and ordered a glass; he, impersonating a classy person, ordered a moderate-priced scotch. They seemingly had a great date and the attraction seemed mutual. Then, my lovelies, that pivotal bill arrived at the end of the date.

She feigned pulling out her credit card as if to pay half, but he instinctively said, “No, I got it. I’ll let you get the next date.” I gotta say, pretty slick move on his part, trying to slip the next date into this whole song-and-dance.

She agreed, but later she texted that she won’t see him again, which hey, is her call. This guy saw the itemization on the bill when he got home after that, noticing that his scotch was a mere $14, but her top tier glass of Bordeaux was $28!

So he knavishly texted her, “Pretty cheeky of you to order a $28 Bordeaux w/ no intention of paying for it OR a second date.”

“Hey,” she reminded him, “I offered to pay for it. Besides I didn’t know how much it cost.”

He retaliated, “No girl orders something they think they’re gonna pay for without knowing the price. I’m gonna put an end to this shit. Leave $25 with your doorman. That’s half the bill with tip, fair right? I’ll have someone pick it up.”

So my friend relented, getting her small revenge by leaving $5 of the total in loose change, though frankly she should have left the whole amount in loose change.

My guy friends say this guy is a hero, if not a god. My girlfriends think he’s a dick, and, keeping to the terms of chivalry, a knave. I get where both parties are coming from, but he had the bill in his hand when he decided to pay. He saw how much it cost, and took the calculated risk of covering it, banking on a next date.

But this is what I’m trying to say—paying for dates is not an investment, because human beings aren’t property OR assets, so don’t expect an ROI. Dating is simply a series of favors that may or may not be reciprocated.

But the above story is just an example of a shitty outcome to a good scenario.

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It’s still better for both of you to try to pay and have one turned down, rather than both of you waiting expectantly for the other to pull out their wallet.  Both scenarios are a bit awkward, but the second is actively embarrassing.  Plus this way, you can easily go Dutch if neither party backs down from paying.

If a guy wants to pay, the girl doesn’t have to feel bad, or like she owes anything. Paying for food or a movie is not the same as paying for sex.

And guys out there, you don’t have to pay if some uninterested bitch is just using you for a free meal. Or a delicious glass of perfectly-aged wine.

Anything I didn’t address? Got an opinion on the knave-to-god status of my friend’s date? Throw that shit in the comments section and I’ll get right to it.

In vino veritas, bitches…

– The Wine Slut

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